The kids and I thought we would get together and write you a heartfelt letter. With summer winding down, we can tell that you’ve been kind of stressed lately. We thought it was time to set the record straight on a few things.
First, parenting is not supposed to be fun. So that thing you mumble to yourself all day as you walk around shaking your head and picking up dirty underwear “this isn’t fun, this isn’t fun..” totally normal and expected.
Second, you’re not a terrible dad like you often think. We took a poll and we’d say your average to below average. On milk shake night, you’re like the Mozart of fathers but sadly we haven’t had one of those in a while. But don’t beat yourself up. Slightly below average is not terrible. Not by a long shot. That guy who killed people from the back of his car while making his son drive? Terrible dad. Herod the Great, by all accounts, also terrible dad. You’re nowhere close to those losers.
Third, you know that spooky far-a-way look mom gets when she comes home and the house isn’t clean? Yeah, totally freaks us out as well. Sadly, we’re not sure what to do about it. Yes we could help you maintain a cleaner house but let’s be honest, we really don’t care enough. It’s far easier for her to be pissed at you than us. We greatly outnumber her and in the evening when she’s tired from a long day at work? Easy pickins. We’re talking Scoop a chocolate scoop a vanilla kinda easy for us. Until things seriously change, we’ll continue to let you take the fall for us destroying the house each day.
Fourth and finally, relax. Or as the groovy kids on twitter say, Chillax. Seriously dad, that vein in your head, it’s almost Greg Glenn like in its intensity (and we’re talking full on it’s the night of Freshman Retreat, it’s 4:30pm , and the basketball team is still practicing in the gym vein in the head kind of thing). You know how you think this parenting thing is all about you helping us become better people. Maturing, that kind of thing? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You’re too much Pops. The dirty little secret that no one wants to talk about is this parenting-kids thing? It’s actually all about you becoming a better person. Remember how when you were little you were a selfish, stubborn, tasmanian devil sort of character? Yeah, like us? And you remember how when you were like 22 you thought you were the coolest, kindest, most patient guy, a guy who knew everything about everything? Truth was? You kind of sucked. You didn’t realize you sucked. That’s what parenting was for. Parenting is what taught you just how selfish you always were. How little patience you really have. How when the going get’s really tough sometimes you run the other way. You see Dad, we love you and our plan is every day, bit by bit, to break you down. So far, I gotta say, we’ve been doing a pretty good job. Eventually you’ll learn to cling to something important, oh, like God or something, and when you do, when you truly do, then you might start to get the old mojo back. And us? Dad, don’t worry about us so much. Someday, we’ll each be parents and then this whole crazy cycle will start back up again.
You didn’t think we had this kind of teamwork in us did you dad? But just so you don’t become too impressed at our mad skilz, while we penned this letter, Daniel managed to take the living room ceiling fan apart, Jude consumed an entire bag of white chocolate chips and Rachel kicked her other cowboy boot through the bay window. Pretty Amazeballs right?
The Kenney Kids